Okay--this one sounds adorable:
From Executive Producer Ryan Seacrest:
Are you a mom looking to find love for your son?
NBC is seeking moms of eligible young men who are ready to help their sons pick the right woman.
Are you a mom who is frustrated that her son is not dating the right woman? Do you look forward to the day your son finds the love of his life and you get the wedding of your dreams?
Producers are looking for moms and their sons who are willing to work together as a team to find the perfect mate. You should be a mother with a strong opinion about whom your son should be dating.
If you're a mom looking to find love for your son and you are ready to be a great character America will love to watch in the process, we'd love to hear from you.
The sons must be at least 21 years or older.
Please email Michelle Dela Cuesta in the Casting Department at NBCdating2@gmail.com for more information or to apply.
From Executive Producer Ryan Seacrest:
Are you a mom looking to find love for your son?
NBC is seeking moms of eligible young men who are ready to help their sons pick the right woman.
Are you a mom who is frustrated that her son is not dating the right woman? Do you look forward to the day your son finds the love of his life and you get the wedding of your dreams?
Producers are looking for moms and their sons who are willing to work together as a team to find the perfect mate. You should be a mother with a strong opinion about whom your son should be dating.
If you're a mom looking to find love for your son and you are ready to be a great character America will love to watch in the process, we'd love to hear from you.
The sons must be at least 21 years or older.
Please email Michelle Dela Cuesta in the Casting Department at NBCdating2@gmail.com for more information or to apply.
23/05: My new favorite foodie site
Check out the Jew and the Carrot for a yummy seasonal treat inspired by this week's parsha.
And, check out ModernJewishMom.com in the weeks ahead for my interview with Jew and the Carrot editor Leah Koenig.
(Plus, I love that she titled the post "Yid.Dish" ha!
And, check out ModernJewishMom.com in the weeks ahead for my interview with Jew and the Carrot editor Leah Koenig.
(Plus, I love that she titled the post "Yid.Dish" ha!
22/05: Baby Products
I was driving by Buy Buy Baby today and was truly wowed by the cool stuff in their windows. I'm not quite sure what it was I saw (I WAS driving after all). Some kind of cool baby carrier in a very funky mod stroller contraption (is my best guess). Time has flown since I was there on a daily basis. I was a stay-at-home mom, the kids were babies and we had no where else to really go so to get out of the house I'd schlep them to Starbucks ('cause I was tired and needed caffeine) and they could throw muffin crumbs to the birds as we sat outside. In fact, to this day, we refer to those little sparrows as "Starbucks Birds". Then we'd stroll down to Buy Buy Baby just to walk around and usually there was SOMETHING I could find that I really needed to buy buy.
Those days are gone. I don't even have friends having babies now. But, you know how it always seems that the maternity clothes are so much cuter when you're NOT pregnant? Well, the baby stuff is so much cooler now too. Like cute, hip stuff. That we totally don't need. But is sooooo cute and you never know when you will be very glad that you bought that wipe box cover that makes it looks more like a Filofax than a wipey box.
Here's the thing though. I just heard that there is now a line of baby hair care products. "What's wrong with that?" you ask. Well, nothing if we're talking shampoo and conditioner. But, this is baby hair styling products. Like baby mousse and baby mud and baby hair spray! Seriously...who buys this stuff.
Look, my kids both went through the funny baby hair phase. And, my mother told me I couldn't cut their hair until they were one (some kind of superstition thing and who was I to argue). For my son, there was just nothing to do. For my daughter, I tried barrettes and bows which either slid off because her hair was too thin (I mean "baby fine") or she pulled it out (and then put the barrette in her mouth! Always great to see in the rear view mirror!)
And whatever...it's cute...how the hair sticks out and goes all funny. Why do we need baby wax to style it into place? And what does it say about us????? How can we rant about society placing too much emphasis on looks and worry about the pressure it places on our tweens and teens if we're STYLING OUR BABIES' HAIR! There's a disconnect here.
Honestly, I don't care f that's how Katie gets Suri's hair to look so perfect--give me crazy baby hair (and healthy self image) any day.
Those days are gone. I don't even have friends having babies now. But, you know how it always seems that the maternity clothes are so much cuter when you're NOT pregnant? Well, the baby stuff is so much cooler now too. Like cute, hip stuff. That we totally don't need. But is sooooo cute and you never know when you will be very glad that you bought that wipe box cover that makes it looks more like a Filofax than a wipey box.
Here's the thing though. I just heard that there is now a line of baby hair care products. "What's wrong with that?" you ask. Well, nothing if we're talking shampoo and conditioner. But, this is baby hair styling products. Like baby mousse and baby mud and baby hair spray! Seriously...who buys this stuff.
Look, my kids both went through the funny baby hair phase. And, my mother told me I couldn't cut their hair until they were one (some kind of superstition thing and who was I to argue). For my son, there was just nothing to do. For my daughter, I tried barrettes and bows which either slid off because her hair was too thin (I mean "baby fine") or she pulled it out (and then put the barrette in her mouth! Always great to see in the rear view mirror!)
And whatever...it's cute...how the hair sticks out and goes all funny. Why do we need baby wax to style it into place? And what does it say about us????? How can we rant about society placing too much emphasis on looks and worry about the pressure it places on our tweens and teens if we're STYLING OUR BABIES' HAIR! There's a disconnect here.
Honestly, I don't care f that's how Katie gets Suri's hair to look so perfect--give me crazy baby hair (and healthy self image) any day.
13/05: Where have all the men gone?
By Sue Fishkoff Published: 05/07/2008
SAN FRANCISCO (JTA) -- The stereotypical portrait of a seder table with the man of the house leading the service may look out of place to the next generation of liberal Jews.
This is because outside the Orthodox world, men are becoming less and less engaged in every aspect of Jewish life,
from the home to the synagogue to communal organizations.
Numerous studies show that fewer boys than girls go to non-Orthodox youth groups, religious schools or summer camps, fewer go into the rabbinate and cantorate, and fewer serve on synagogue or federation committees.
This comes as women and girls in the liberal movements are benefiting from a host of programs and initiatives aimed at increasing their Jewish involvement, from gender-neutral prayer books to the popular Jewish identity-building program for teenage girls, “Rosh Hodesh: It’s a Girl Thing.”
Some are calling it the feminization of liberal Judaism -- but few say so out loud.
“It’s not politically correct,” says Brandeis University sociologist Sylvia Barack Fishman, whose new report “The Growing Gender Imbalance in American Jewish Life” gives statistical muscle to anecdotal evidence that has been piling up for several years in liberal Jewish circles.
The report will be published later in May, and will be available online June 1 at www.brandeis.edu/hbi.
Fishman notes that some experts reject the notion of a “boy crisis” in liberal Judaism. It’s a particularly touchy topic for feminist scholars.
“Thirty-five years ago -- when women were not ordained as rabbis, when girls in the Conservative movement celebrated a bat mitzvah on Friday night, when Orthodox girls did not receive an education remotely comparable to that of their brothers, when women were not called to the Torah for aliyot or allowed on the bimah at all -- where were the headlines proclaiming a girl crisis?” wrote Rabbi Rona Shapiro, senior associate at Ma’ayan: The Jewish Women’s Project, a program of the JCC in Manhattan, in a Jan. 2007 op-ed.
“Given the history of women’s exclusion within the Jewish community, approaching equality should be something to celebrate, not a crisis in the making,” she wrote.
For Fishman, “As soon as you say that women dominate certain aspects of Jewish life, it sounds as if you’re saying, 'Let’s go back to the way things were.' That’s not the point of my research, but we need to look at what’s happening and be honest about it.”
Fishman goes further: As Jewish men outside the Orthodox fold become increasingly estranged from religious and communal life, the more likely they are to marry non-Jewish women, her report suggests. And because women usually set a home’s religious tone, even if non-Jewish women are open to raising Jewish children, they will rarely do so because they are not encouraged by husbands who are “ambivalent at best, if not downright hostile to” Jewish tradition, she says.
She concludes that the boy crisis in liberal Judaism is leading to a continuity crisis that will not be resolved until liberal Judaism finds a way to engage its boys and men.
Using hundreds of interviews she conducted for the American Jewish Committee and two of her previous books, as well as data from the 2000-2001 National Jewish Population Study, Fishman and her student co-author Daniel Parmer describe an American Jewish life increasingly populated by women.
Ironically, this increased involvement of women in liberal Jewish life does not extend to the highest levels of Jewish organizational leadership, where top professionals remain overwhelmingly male.
The dominance of women is especially apparent within the Reform movement, where decreasing numbers of boys in its post-bar mitzvah religious schools, youth groups and summer camps has caused concern. This absence goes all the way to the top levels of religious leadership: More than half of the recently ordained Reform rabbis are women, as are all this year’s entering cantorial students.
To help re-engage Reform men in religious life, the Men of Reform Judaism has sponsored men’s worship services at the last few movement biennials, and published a “Men’s Haggadah” that more than 250 congregations ordered for Passover.
“We have women’s Seders, we have Rosh Hodesh groups. When do we create safe space for men to talk about their fathers, their sons, their brothers, their lives?” asks Doug Barden, the executive director of Men of Reform Judaism who is spearheading many of these initiatives.
But waiting until adulthood isn’t good enough, Fishman says. Efforts must begin in early adolescence. Whereas Orthodox boys go through “rites of passage where they feel better and better about their Jewish engagement -- that furniture is not being installed in the minds of non-Orthodox Jewish males,” she says.
Liberal Jewish teenage boys don’t have models of adult male commitment to Jewish life as do their Orthodox peers. This sets up a vicious cycle that repeats from generation to generation.
Some groups are more successful than others at attracting Jewish boys. One is B'nai Brith Youth Organization, BBYO, which claims that 47 percent of its 23,000 teen participants are male.
The group's director, Matt Grossman, says this is because BBYO chapters have always been single-sex. This model is gaining ground in liberal circles, although not without criticism.
“We can target programs to boys without throwing fake stuff out there,” Grossman says. While most other non-Orthodox Jewish youth groups report declining membership, he says that BBYO has been growing by 20 percent a year.
“We tell them, we need you guys to help strengthen the Jewish world. And that resonates with them. We have guys doing what guys like, and girls doing what girls like.”
Jason Wachs, BBYO’s 18-year-old international president for the boys’ chapters, says the concept works. “It’s not cool for boys to be in touch with their emotions or care about the environment or religion when girls are around,” he says. “BBYO allows them to open up.”
The Orthodox world has always promoted single-sex group activities. It may be time, some adolescent experts suggest, to revisit the notion.
Moving Traditions, the non-profit that runs Rosh Hodesh: It’s a Girl Thing, has launched “Where Have All The Young Men Gone,” a three-year research and action campaign that is studying the groups that have been most successful at attracting and holding young men, from BBYO to Boy Scouts.
Many of those groups are for boys only, notes Deborah Meyer, the executive director of Moving Traditions, which is based in suburban Philadelphia.
“Seeing what Rosh Hodesh has done for girls, hearing the feedback from the girls and their parents and educators, why not do something like it for Jewish guys, who are dropping out from Jewish life more than girls, and are less satisfied with Jewish life than girls?” says Meyer.
Fishman’s report notes that “a disproportionate number” of young Jewish men doing cutting-edge innovation in Jewish cultural and religious fields has come from Orthodox backgrounds. “This illustrates the power of these environments to prove intellectually and spiritually compelling to men, even when men reject their patriarchal premise,” she notes.
The challenge to the liberal Jewish world, she says, is to provide the same compelling stimulus to its young men without sacrificing egalitarianism.
“Over the ages, men felt very involved in Judaism,” she says. “It was their responsibility. This is gone today, except in the Orthodox world. We need to look at how we are raising our Jewish sons.”
08/05: I want to be funny
I was just reading some new entries over at Jewcy.com (oh, to be young and smart again) and I seriously laughed out loud (see--I didn't even type lol, I typed the words out all the way--that's just how funny it was). Back and forth entries between Elizabeth Wurtzel (she wrote Prozac Nation among others) and Ben Karlin (he of The Daily Show fame and now working on three cool new HBO shows (oooh, should I type out Home Box Office just to illustrate how much in esteem I place the network?) and also a new funny book about failed relationships). Wow--that was a lot of parenthentical information. And, according to my computer's red underlining feature, I have spelled parenthentical incorrectly, but I'm feeling too lazy to click on the spell check button to correct. Wow! how lazy must I be do not even want to highlight and click! It's not like I have to actually get off my ass and find a dictionary!
But I digress. Anyway, I love these funny, clever, smart people and their writing and I imagine them being all cool and smart and clever living in NY (one even lives in Fort Greene, Brooklyn where I lived 20 years ago after college--and it wasn't cool then--I guess I am pre-cool). Can suburban, Jewish moms be funny? Let me narrow it down even more--can we be funny without the subject being our kids or our husbands or other mom type things (although Wurtzel was funny when writing about her lust for a Birkin bag which I can totally identify with!)
hmmm, maybe I should just blog more. But, I tend to think of great blog topics while driving my car (which is where I am most of the day). They should really invent some sort of brain-to-blog device. I can't tell you how many funny, clever, smart entries I have THOUGHT of, that I then forget about when I am home and have access to my computer.
Oh well. Gotta go finish making salmon croquettes. This is how lame I actually am--tomorrow is Grandparent's Day at my son's school. My in-laws are going (very nice of them to schlep in just to sit and watch him learn). But, they will all have lunch together and I am feeling compelled to make a kinda fancy lunch for my son to show them what an awesome mom I am. My husband just rolled his eyes and commented that yes, they would have thought I was horrible if I had sent him with an egg salad sandwich. Okay--I know it's ridiculous. But, is that stopping me from doing it anyway? No. The kid's going to have the best lunch of his school career tomorrow.
But I digress. Anyway, I love these funny, clever, smart people and their writing and I imagine them being all cool and smart and clever living in NY (one even lives in Fort Greene, Brooklyn where I lived 20 years ago after college--and it wasn't cool then--I guess I am pre-cool). Can suburban, Jewish moms be funny? Let me narrow it down even more--can we be funny without the subject being our kids or our husbands or other mom type things (although Wurtzel was funny when writing about her lust for a Birkin bag which I can totally identify with!)
hmmm, maybe I should just blog more. But, I tend to think of great blog topics while driving my car (which is where I am most of the day). They should really invent some sort of brain-to-blog device. I can't tell you how many funny, clever, smart entries I have THOUGHT of, that I then forget about when I am home and have access to my computer.
Oh well. Gotta go finish making salmon croquettes. This is how lame I actually am--tomorrow is Grandparent's Day at my son's school. My in-laws are going (very nice of them to schlep in just to sit and watch him learn). But, they will all have lunch together and I am feeling compelled to make a kinda fancy lunch for my son to show them what an awesome mom I am. My husband just rolled his eyes and commented that yes, they would have thought I was horrible if I had sent him with an egg salad sandwich. Okay--I know it's ridiculous. But, is that stopping me from doing it anyway? No. The kid's going to have the best lunch of his school career tomorrow.
play by play of tonight's American Idol
sorry, Jason Castro-- I like ya, but not quite Neil
oooh, I love David Cook (well, not love, love, but you know what I mean..I'm rooting for him) and I love this song (I'm Alive), but, have to say, he's not killing. Hopefully, his next song will be better.
Brooke White. I liked her in the beginning of the season, but maybe the Post's calling her "Nanny Brooke" the passive-aggressive nanny, kinda killed her for me (too funny--funny 'cause it's true). Anyway, have to love that she's singing a Monkee's song (I'm a Believer). Did you know the Monkee's was the first album (yes, ALBUM, not CD) was the first record album I bought? And, yes, I had a crush on Davey Jones (oooh--trivia--David Bowie's real name is David Jones). Anyway, she didn't do a good job.
David Archuletta. Maybe I'm too old, but I don't likey him. Let's hear how he does (Sweet Caroline). HATE THE SHIRT--looks like some kind of weird French mime thing. And, I think it's creepy that Neil said this song is about Caroline Kennedy. I wouldn't want someone singing about reaching out and touching my daughter (but that's just me). Seriously, other than the fact that he's young, I don't get why kids like this David Archuletta, but I'll bet it comes down to David v. David in the finals.
Syesha. So pretty. She really should act. Probably after last week she has a future on Broadway. But, she is probably leaving this week. HEEEELLLLO--sounds weird--needs to be breathier--like you're drunk calling in the middle of the night. I don't think she understands what she's singing.
Why does Randy like Archuletta?
Paula??? You thought they sang twice already? Seriously?
Simon--says it like it is. Totally agrees with everything I just wrote. I should be a judge!
Round two coming up!
Sorry--promised my son could use my laptop! Maybe more later when he finishes on Webkinz
I'm back...kind of disappointing--I don't know what I expected. Oh well, still think Cook is best and just don't see what's so great about Archuletta. Definitely think the judges are trying to get rid of some and push others. And, while I think this is the best season (performers), the show has def jumped the shark.
sorry, Jason Castro-- I like ya, but not quite Neil
oooh, I love David Cook (well, not love, love, but you know what I mean..I'm rooting for him) and I love this song (I'm Alive), but, have to say, he's not killing. Hopefully, his next song will be better.
Brooke White. I liked her in the beginning of the season, but maybe the Post's calling her "Nanny Brooke" the passive-aggressive nanny, kinda killed her for me (too funny--funny 'cause it's true). Anyway, have to love that she's singing a Monkee's song (I'm a Believer). Did you know the Monkee's was the first album (yes, ALBUM, not CD) was the first record album I bought? And, yes, I had a crush on Davey Jones (oooh--trivia--David Bowie's real name is David Jones). Anyway, she didn't do a good job.
David Archuletta. Maybe I'm too old, but I don't likey him. Let's hear how he does (Sweet Caroline). HATE THE SHIRT--looks like some kind of weird French mime thing. And, I think it's creepy that Neil said this song is about Caroline Kennedy. I wouldn't want someone singing about reaching out and touching my daughter (but that's just me). Seriously, other than the fact that he's young, I don't get why kids like this David Archuletta, but I'll bet it comes down to David v. David in the finals.
Syesha. So pretty. She really should act. Probably after last week she has a future on Broadway. But, she is probably leaving this week. HEEEELLLLO--sounds weird--needs to be breathier--like you're drunk calling in the middle of the night. I don't think she understands what she's singing.
Why does Randy like Archuletta?
Paula??? You thought they sang twice already? Seriously?
Simon--says it like it is. Totally agrees with everything I just wrote. I should be a judge!
Round two coming up!
Sorry--promised my son could use my laptop! Maybe more later when he finishes on Webkinz
I'm back...kind of disappointing--I don't know what I expected. Oh well, still think Cook is best and just don't see what's so great about Archuletta. Definitely think the judges are trying to get rid of some and push others. And, while I think this is the best season (performers), the show has def jumped the shark.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/22/us/22matzo.html?ex=1366603200&en=f7f2e2e4ef7df232&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink
I thought I was going crazy! Seems like I was right when I told my husband that the stores were out of Passover stuff already! And, of course, this was the year I decided not to stock up early because "they always have tons of stuff at the Giant!" WRONG!!!! Not only have we eaten all the matzo, but all the chocolate, the jelly sugar fake fruit wedges and Passover cookies. No snacks left :(
It's like I'm being forced to do South Beach.
I thought I was going crazy! Seems like I was right when I told my husband that the stores were out of Passover stuff already! And, of course, this was the year I decided not to stock up early because "they always have tons of stuff at the Giant!" WRONG!!!! Not only have we eaten all the matzo, but all the chocolate, the jelly sugar fake fruit wedges and Passover cookies. No snacks left :(
It's like I'm being forced to do South Beach.
ummmm, I don't know about you, but I don't think I'll be wearing this at the High Holidays!
JTA reports that: A Jewish fashion designer unveiled a line of clothing using parchment and velvet Torah covers for women’s dresses.
Fashion designer Levi Okunov, who was raised in a Hasidic family in Brooklyn, unveiled his upcoming fall fashion line Thursday night at New York’s Jewish Museum. In the past, Okunov's clothing designs have included the use of Shabbat tablecloths, Kabbalistic imagery and tallitot, or Jewish prayer shawls.
In a recent interview, Okunov said his latest dresses were inspired by a teaching of the Baal Shem Tov, the founder of Hasidism, who said that every person is like a Torah scroll.
I'm all for creativity in fashion, but this seems a little, well, sacreligious (that, and the skirt's a little too shear). Would Christian say that it's "fierce"!?!
20/03: B'nai mitzvah motivation
my husband (who is being very patient, but I know is NOT enjoying all the bat mitzvah prep talk already happening in our home) forwarded me this column from Aish.com. I didn't want to read it, but am very glad I did. Believe me, I'm not canceling the entertainment, but it does give one lots to think about.
by Rabbi Avi Shafran
The concept of "bar mitzvah" has drifted incredibly far from its true meaning in these materialistic times.
Meet Lorne Hughes, a young non-Jewish gentleman from the Virgin Islands clad in a form-fitting black outfit, who "regularly spends his weekends dancing with 13-year-olds... at bar mitzvahs," according to an article that recently appeared in The New York Times.
The report was ostensibly about Mr. Hughes' "lucrative and competitive" profession -- he is a "party motivator." But its detailed descriptions of the devolution of bar/bat mitzvah celebrations in some circles could only have left any reader sensitive to the Jewish religious tradition deeply depressed.
Party "motivators" are paid to attend bar mitzvahs and other events to make sure "that young guests are swept up in dancing and games," according to the report. Mr. Hughes was described as smiling ecstatically at one bar mitzvah "as he danced to Ricky Martin and Jennifer Lopez songs with middle school students" and with their parents.
"Whether you can have a successful bar mitzvah without at least a handful of motivators," the article asserts, presumably in the name of parents who employ such services, "is debatable."
One female "motivator," at a bar mitzvah, "in a black tank top," was observed at the "children's cocktail hour" enthralling the 13-year-old boys in attendance. "She just talks about, like, sex and girlfriends," explained one of the young men, clearly motivated.
Some of the parents are similarly adolescent. While sometimes, the report notes, "they request that their motivators dress modestly... sometimes they request the opposite."
"Dads especially," often indicate their preference for provocative women "motivators," according to the owner of one entertainment agency. Then he heads, he says, unconsciously alighting on an apt metaphor, "to our stable of people" to find the right one for the job.
Were it all a Purim skit, it would be, if in poor taste, perhaps funny. As reality, though, not even the word "tragic" does it justice.
How horribly far the concept of "bar mitzvah" has drifted from its true meaning in these materialistic, vulgar times.
A mitzvah is a commandment, one with its source in the ultimate Commander. And the "bar" refers not to what a bartender tends but rather to the responsibility of the new Jewish young adult to shoulder the duties and obligations of a Jew -- the study and observance of the Torah.
And so, a truly successful bar mitzvah is one where the young person has come to recognize that responsibility. Dancers, decadence and the lowest common denominators of American pop culture are hardly fitting "motivators" for such.
The issue is not denominational. There are excesses to be found in celebrations of Orthodox Jews as there are in those of Jews of other affiliations. While the "motivators" phenomenon might represent a particular nadir of Jewish insensitivity, none of us is immune to the disease of skewed priorities, the confusing of essence with embellishment, the allowing of the true meaning of a life-milestone to become obscured by the trappings of its celebration.
In fact, a group of highly respected rabbis in the American religious community have called for their followers to tone down wedding celebrations (where party motivators are unneeded to get people dancing but where excesses of food and trimmings are, unfortunately, not unheard of). And many of us have taken the initiative to do the same with other celebrations as well, including bar mitzvahs.
As it happens, one of my own sons is, at this writing, about to celebrate his. He will read the Torah portion on the Shabbat after he turns 13, but for the Wednesday before, his Jewish birthday, my wife and I are planning a modest meal for relatives and a few friends -- and, of course, our son's friends and teachers.
There are only three things on the agenda for the evening. My son will deliver a d'var Torah, a discourse on a Torah topic, and each of his grandfathers will say a few words.
My wife's father will likely, as he always does at family celebrations, thank God for allowing him to survive the several concentration camps where he spent the Holocaust years, and where he and his religious comrades risked life and limb to maintain what Jewish observance they could.
And my own father will surely feel and may well express the deep gratitude he feels to the Creator for protecting him, during those same years, in a Siberian Soviet labor camp, where he and his fellow yeshiva students similarly endured terrible hardships to remain observant, believing Jews. Both grandfathers will take pride in how their children's children are continuing the lives and ideals of their parents' parents, and theirs before them.
And I will pray that my son will grow further to recognize the mission and meaning of a truly Jewish life, and follow the example of his grandfathers and grandmothers, parents and siblings, uncles and aunts and cousins, many of whom will be there to celebrate with him.
Neither Mr. Hughes nor his fellow entertainers will be present.
But motivators will be everywhere.
This article can also be read at: http://www.aish.com/societyWork/society/Bar_Mitzvah_Motivators.asp
by Rabbi Avi Shafran
The concept of "bar mitzvah" has drifted incredibly far from its true meaning in these materialistic times.
Meet Lorne Hughes, a young non-Jewish gentleman from the Virgin Islands clad in a form-fitting black outfit, who "regularly spends his weekends dancing with 13-year-olds... at bar mitzvahs," according to an article that recently appeared in The New York Times.
The report was ostensibly about Mr. Hughes' "lucrative and competitive" profession -- he is a "party motivator." But its detailed descriptions of the devolution of bar/bat mitzvah celebrations in some circles could only have left any reader sensitive to the Jewish religious tradition deeply depressed.
Party "motivators" are paid to attend bar mitzvahs and other events to make sure "that young guests are swept up in dancing and games," according to the report. Mr. Hughes was described as smiling ecstatically at one bar mitzvah "as he danced to Ricky Martin and Jennifer Lopez songs with middle school students" and with their parents.
"Whether you can have a successful bar mitzvah without at least a handful of motivators," the article asserts, presumably in the name of parents who employ such services, "is debatable."
One female "motivator," at a bar mitzvah, "in a black tank top," was observed at the "children's cocktail hour" enthralling the 13-year-old boys in attendance. "She just talks about, like, sex and girlfriends," explained one of the young men, clearly motivated.
Some of the parents are similarly adolescent. While sometimes, the report notes, "they request that their motivators dress modestly... sometimes they request the opposite."
"Dads especially," often indicate their preference for provocative women "motivators," according to the owner of one entertainment agency. Then he heads, he says, unconsciously alighting on an apt metaphor, "to our stable of people" to find the right one for the job.
Were it all a Purim skit, it would be, if in poor taste, perhaps funny. As reality, though, not even the word "tragic" does it justice.
How horribly far the concept of "bar mitzvah" has drifted from its true meaning in these materialistic, vulgar times.
A mitzvah is a commandment, one with its source in the ultimate Commander. And the "bar" refers not to what a bartender tends but rather to the responsibility of the new Jewish young adult to shoulder the duties and obligations of a Jew -- the study and observance of the Torah.
And so, a truly successful bar mitzvah is one where the young person has come to recognize that responsibility. Dancers, decadence and the lowest common denominators of American pop culture are hardly fitting "motivators" for such.
The issue is not denominational. There are excesses to be found in celebrations of Orthodox Jews as there are in those of Jews of other affiliations. While the "motivators" phenomenon might represent a particular nadir of Jewish insensitivity, none of us is immune to the disease of skewed priorities, the confusing of essence with embellishment, the allowing of the true meaning of a life-milestone to become obscured by the trappings of its celebration.
In fact, a group of highly respected rabbis in the American religious community have called for their followers to tone down wedding celebrations (where party motivators are unneeded to get people dancing but where excesses of food and trimmings are, unfortunately, not unheard of). And many of us have taken the initiative to do the same with other celebrations as well, including bar mitzvahs.
As it happens, one of my own sons is, at this writing, about to celebrate his. He will read the Torah portion on the Shabbat after he turns 13, but for the Wednesday before, his Jewish birthday, my wife and I are planning a modest meal for relatives and a few friends -- and, of course, our son's friends and teachers.
There are only three things on the agenda for the evening. My son will deliver a d'var Torah, a discourse on a Torah topic, and each of his grandfathers will say a few words.
My wife's father will likely, as he always does at family celebrations, thank God for allowing him to survive the several concentration camps where he spent the Holocaust years, and where he and his religious comrades risked life and limb to maintain what Jewish observance they could.
And my own father will surely feel and may well express the deep gratitude he feels to the Creator for protecting him, during those same years, in a Siberian Soviet labor camp, where he and his fellow yeshiva students similarly endured terrible hardships to remain observant, believing Jews. Both grandfathers will take pride in how their children's children are continuing the lives and ideals of their parents' parents, and theirs before them.
And I will pray that my son will grow further to recognize the mission and meaning of a truly Jewish life, and follow the example of his grandfathers and grandmothers, parents and siblings, uncles and aunts and cousins, many of whom will be there to celebrate with him.
Neither Mr. Hughes nor his fellow entertainers will be present.
But motivators will be everywhere.
This article can also be read at: http://www.aish.com/societyWork/society/Bar_Mitzvah_Motivators.asp
19/03: last minute grogger
don't have time to photograph and properly document and add this idea to the website so I'll blog about it.
Son had to make a grogger for school. He told me while I was driving my car and I looked down and saw a tiny tin of Starbucks cinnamon mints (I've heard cinnamon is better at cleaning your breath which is why I switched from mint). Anywho...tiny tin of tiny mints makes great noise when you shake it! So, when we got home, we took two popsicle sticks and laid them on either side of the tin (leaving some of the sticks "sticking" out on each end. We rubber banded (is that a verb?) the sticks together so they formed a handle. Oh, and we laid some blue feathers across the tin on both sides and under the popsicle sticks to decorate. It kinda looks like a tomahawk (which is great because his class is learning about native Americans so it fits for both Purim and history class assignments!)
Hope you can picture it. I'll add it too mjm.com for next year! (oh, maybe tomorrow--I'll see if I have any time after baking hamentaschen.)
Chag Purim!!!!
Son had to make a grogger for school. He told me while I was driving my car and I looked down and saw a tiny tin of Starbucks cinnamon mints (I've heard cinnamon is better at cleaning your breath which is why I switched from mint). Anywho...tiny tin of tiny mints makes great noise when you shake it! So, when we got home, we took two popsicle sticks and laid them on either side of the tin (leaving some of the sticks "sticking" out on each end. We rubber banded (is that a verb?) the sticks together so they formed a handle. Oh, and we laid some blue feathers across the tin on both sides and under the popsicle sticks to decorate. It kinda looks like a tomahawk (which is great because his class is learning about native Americans so it fits for both Purim and history class assignments!)
Hope you can picture it. I'll add it too mjm.com for next year! (oh, maybe tomorrow--I'll see if I have any time after baking hamentaschen.)
Chag Purim!!!!
