I'm really tired. Like, "it's hot outside and I don't feel like doing anything tired."  Nothing is inspiring me.  Just blah, blah, blah.

I feel like I"m an attention junkie.  Or excitement junkie.  And, right now, there aren't any new projects.  Although there could be...if I put some effort in and finished up some proposals.

Stuff is distracting me.  Getting my daughter ready for camp.  Driving around doing errands.  I feel like I'm constantly in motion.  I know I'm doing stuff, but at the end of the day, I'm not sure what.

I've really been ignoring the website.  Really hard to keep the energy level up after five years.

Five years!  Wow!  In a way, the time flew.  In a way, it feels like I've been the "Modern Jewish Mom" forever.  And now, when people are clamouring for me to write for them and host videos for them, now I'm tired.

So tired.

So I went to boxing today.  No, I don't actually "box".  I go to an exercise class where I get to "wrap" my wrists and wear boxing gloves.  But it's a good ol'fashioned workout--hit a bag, jump rope, do push ups, do sit ups.  The kind of workout our dads did.  And I usually feel awesome when I finish.  Strong.  Healthy.  The stress having poured out with the sweat.

But today I felt tired.

Donte, the amazing teacher, laughed when he saw me just standing.  I had already cracked ajoke when he announced we would be doing 5 minutes worth of squats, but that's my usual funny, funny self. Today I looked at him and told him I had lost my motivation.  It was easier last summer, when I had the bat mitzvah (and the dresses) looming.  I was on such a great streak then.  But work interfered (thanks a lot, work) and I got off schedule.  And I'm finding it truly hard to get back.

I thought Donte would tell me just to start coming again more regularly.  That after a few classes I would be back on track.  But he said something else that surprised me.

He told me to go to a cemetery.

He told me to drive to a cemetery.  To get out of my car, walk around, feel the peace.  He said after that, things get put into perspective.  He told me to read the headstones, especially the ones from married couples who, after many, many years together, die within months of each other.  He told me to think about all the families and friends who were left behind.

I didn't even need to go to a cemetery for his message to begin to sink in.  What's the song my kids listen to?  "We've got to live like we're dying?"

There'll be another time to feel tired.  There'll be an eternity to rest. Right now, I've got living to do.

 

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