There are times when I think back ten years and miss the “old me.” That me got up everyday, dressed in office clothes, and hoofed it to work. I was a hardworking editor who had lots of work friends. The old me wasn’t a member of a synagogue or active with any volunteer activities. I had two cats—and thought my life was crazy busy.

Flash forward ten years and my life is incredibly different. I am active in my children’s school PTA, am on the board of the synagogue, and am the chair of the Israel Action Committee at the synagogue—all staying at home with my two kids and making sure my husband’s needs are met, too. It’s been ten years of volunteering, taking Melton classes, learning Hebrew, and building up my own Jewish group of friends.

When I recently sat down with a group of people at my synagogue who were studying for conversion with my rabbi at the shul, one of the most poignant questions they asked me was when did I start to feel Jewish? That’s a tricky question.

Converts are in a difficult position because you really do just one day wake up Jewish! What is difficult for converts is that you can’t just stop at the conversion ceremony—it’s a long process of making mistakes and learning as much as you can.

I mentioned Melton above. The Florence Melton Mini School is a two-year program that conducts Torah study, Jewish history, and a great discussion of Jewish traditions. You study along with other folks who may or may not be at the same knowledge level as you, but you all bond in a really great way. I highly recommend Melton.

And did I make mistakes! One of the most embarrassing mistakes was when we would go over to dinner at friends of ours who kept kosher. I would grab whatever knife or utensil I could find to use, without asking whether it was a milk or meat utensil. I would also give my daughter her milk with their chicken. My husband would bark at me to put the milk away…and the friends would shake their heads and say that it was no big deal. Oops.

I also learned that it was okay to ask questions. When I was recently talking with my rabbi, he mentioned the name of a prayer that I had never heard of. I had two choices…1. sit there and pretend I knew what he was talking about or 2. ask him to explain what the prayer was and where it fit in the Shabbat service. I have found that people really appreciate your asking. There’s probably several other people listening who don’t know either, but they are too embarrassed to admit it. And the added benefit is that you learn something new.

Yet, I recently had an experience that cemented my commitment to my life as a Jew. There’s never a time when you feel totally Jewish then when you are faced with blatant anti-Semitism. I was in a store the other day when a man who was receiving his changed accused the sales clerk of “Jewing him out of his change.” The sales clerk responded that she wasn’t “Jewing him out of change.” I got really angry. My daughter and I wheeled out of the store, but something inside me snapped. I thought to myself that I wasn’t going to let them get away with saying those things in public, like it was totally acceptable. I marched back in there and demanded to see the manager. When the shocked sales clerk (the other one behind the counter) admitted she was the assistant manager, I leaned to the man and told him that he should really watch what he says because it was completely offensive. I faced the sales clerk and told her that she was way out of line. I left the store with a parting, “I am never shopping here again!” I called the store and gave them my name and number, thinking that they probably weren’t going to do anything about it, but wanted the manager to have a name of someone who wasn’t going to let something like that go. I did receive a phone call of apology. And the biggest surprise was that that man saw me in the park a week later and apologized to me too.

So the old me was an editor, cat lover, and new wife. The new me is much more interesting. She’s not afraid to ask questions, look dumb, keep learning, volunteer her time for causes she believes in, to know that her kids appreciate everything she does for them, and she is, most of all, proud to be Jewish.

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